Why can't I pray my heart's cry?

I was listening to a radio broadcast where a person was dying in the hospital bed.  Surrounding him were church folks...the sick man was a Pastor...and they were praying the typical 'church words' prayers.  They were lovely and elegant and spoke of God's will, His comfort, etc.  Now all this is true.  God's will is sovereign and He is the great comforter.  But this man was dying and he had a family and a work of pastoring the church.  He would be missed and he was slipping away.

And old elder from the church came into the room, helped by two canes.  He took in the scene for a moment, dropped his canes and laid across the dying man's body.  In a booming voice that bespoke of age and wisdom, he cried out to God, "Lord, We love this boy.  Save him so he can live a life of service to you."

No quoted verses or flowery language.  No if or buts.  Just a prostrate man of God, calling on the Lord he knew so well with the urgent desire of his heart.  Do not take this boy from us.  Do not let him die.  Let him go on with his work.  Give him life.  And as if to hold down the soul of that man, he laid across his body in a plain gesture.  He was 'all in', both in word and actions.

I saw this again the other night when a spiritual mentor of mine prayed from his heart in such a simple and eloquent way, that it struck me.  Plain words spoken plainly from the heart.

So why, despite all the things I know, all the spiritual truths I can explain, all the lessons I could teach...why do I equivocate in prayer when things on on the line?  Fear?  Doubt?  In Vegas talk, was I 'hedging my bets'?  The understanding of allowing for God's will in all things is a basic but not often understood part of Christianity, but had I allowed that to get in the way of plain and earnest petitions to God?  Say what you mean.

I think somehow I blended it all...a desire to be cover all the bases..."Yes Lord, I want this to happen, but what do YOU want to happen?".  "Let's do that one, OK?"  And fear of asking for something earnestly and plainly..."Save that life!"  " Heal that marriage."

God will work out what is best for those who love Him and are called according to HIS (not our) purpose.  But I think I need to take a lesson here and give Him the best, most honest desires of my heart in unequivocal terms, then be patient and praise Him for whatever the outcome.

James 5:17

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

¹⁷ Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months.